This time last year, my Mom was visiting us in Massachusetts and she ended up in the hospital with a heart condition (atrial fibrillation). Thankfully, everything turned out all right, but it was a little scary.
Ironically, it is not the fear that stayed with me from that experience – it was the joy that my Mom gave to others, even in the midst of those stressful circumstances.
As we were waiting around in the emergency room, I snapped this picture because it perfectly captures the essence of my Mom. They “unhooked” her long enough to go to the bathroom, and instead of coming right back, she stopped to visit with this little old lady who was there by herself. Mom found out all about her – how old she was, why she was there, how many children she had, how long ago her husband died, etc. The woman was so grateful and profusely thanked my Mom for talking with her. If they had allowed her to stay unhooked, she would have walked around and talked to everyone there.
Mom also encouraged the ER nurses and found out about their lives as well. When we were leaving to go to a hospital room, one ER nurse said she wished they could keep Mom there because she made everyone feel so much better.
Imagine living a life like that – a life where people want you around because you lift them up and make them feel better. I spent my whole life watching Mom in action, but you tend to take these things for granted until you are old enough to be “present” and really appreciate the things that define the people you love.
And this continued as Mom stayed at the hospital – she got to know all the nurses who tended to her. The little lady in the bed next to her LOVED my Mom, and my parents ended up praying with her and her family before we left the hospital.
Luckily, Mom got out of the hospital in time to fly with Dad and me to Minneapolis for a conference called “Why Christian.” We took a van to the airport, and when we stopped to pick up another passenger, my Dad and I moved further back in the van so we wouldn’t feel obligated to talk to anyone. My Mom, on the other hand, stayed right in the front seat and chatted with this older woman (who was deaf, by the way, but somehow they managed to carry on an endless conversation) all the way to the airport. When we got out, the lady hugged my Mom and looked at Dad and me, and said, “You are lucky to have her!”
Mom chatting with a sweet elderly deaf lady (Helene) on the way to the airport.
She is so right. We are lucky to have her. The world is lucky to have her. She is a rare joy-spreader.
I’m remembering all this because I’m grateful to still have my Mom around, but also because it challenges me.
I tend to get in my own head and think about myself. But my Mom is this incredible example of what it looks like to be selfless and focused on other people. The interactions my Mom had with all these people were brief, but in those moments (and all we really have is the present moment), she brought smiles, she brought comfort, she made people feel important and “seen.” Kindness is contagious, so who knows how many “ripples” her kindness created out in the world.
I’m a very different personality from my Mom (interpretation: I’m not as nice), but she is a living lesson in the power of kindness. I should add here that my Dad is an incredible joy-spreader too, in a different way than my Mom. And I’ve watched God use their distinct personalities, gifts and passions to do amazing things.
My parents have very different “joyful” personalities. This is a good example of something my Dad would do – in this picture, he is interrupting a Target employee meeting (while we were in Minneapolis) just to greet everyone and join the fun. The man has no fear and doesn’t care what people think (as you can see by the black socks with sandals), but he sure knows how to make people smile!
Point is, we are all different, but we can all be kind. We can all get out of our own heads and look around and really “see” other people. We can all care.
However you are “wired,” we are all wired to care. If you don’t believe me, just try being kind today (not just polite, but deliberately kind) and experience how good it makes you feel. GIVE . . . a word of encouragement, a helping hand, a smile, randomly pay for something, surprise someone with a card or flowers or a visit. The possibilities are endless.
God created in us this sort of “altruistic egoism” (as it was so well put in Half Time by Bob Buford) – when we give, we get. By helping others, we help ourselves. I’ve also heard it called selfish benevolence. It feels selfish because it actually makes you feel good to give.
I read a book earlier this year called Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a World Stripped of Grace by Miroslav Volf, and I love how he describes us as “channels.” Volf says that we are created by God who is the ultimate giver, and we are made in His image, so we are made to be givers. “As channels, we exist not to just enjoy things but to pass them on. Our purpose is twofold: to flourish ourselves and to help others flourish. . . . We are givers because we were made that way, and if we don’t give, we are at odds with ourselves.”
We all have something to give . . . maybe you are like my Mom and you have the gift of “presence,” kindness and empathy; maybe you simply have time to spend with someone who is lonely; maybe you have a talent that you could share; maybe you have money or resources to give (and you would be surprised with what God can do with the smallest amount!); maybe you can write notes or speak words of encouragement; maybe you are a quiet and calming presence in a chaotic world (NOT my gift, but, thankfully, in some circumstances, God can use loud, effusive people to bring joy too). There are limitless ways to give — limitless ways to spread joy!
I’m grateful to have been raised by two people who set the example and have lived a life of joyful giving. I know I’ll always pale in comparison, but I have a lifetime of inspiration!
“The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25
At the hospital on Sept. 12, 2015.
Had her heart shocked and then traveled a few days later. Mom and Dad in Minneapolis on Sept. 19th, 2015.
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Beautiful! Thank you, Tamson.
Beautiful blog about someone who is defintely a joy giver! You are blessed to have grown up with parents who have a way with making people feel loved and cared for! I get so much out of your blogs. Thanks for sharing and being a joy giver too.
Thank you that was beautiful. I love your family. Your parents are wonderful people.