Stubborn and Starving

This is a depiction of stubbornness.

It might not look like it, but this adorable little girl in the blue sparkly tutu is testing me.

Lela is a picky eater, so we have a rule that she has to take one bite of what we are serving.   If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to eat it and we will give her something else.  But if she does not take a bite, she will not get anything else.  Simple, reasonable rule.

Sometimes (as this picture shows) she will stubbornly refuse and will waste the entire meal procrastinating.  But finally, (after everyone else is finished) she will get hungry enough to take a bite.  And then she will either miraculously love the food she swore she would hate, or she makes dramatic faces and feigns disgust and we give her something else to eat.

This is a regular occurrence in the Jensen household.  And it makes me a little crazy to go through this routine time and again . . .

But it occurred to me that I can be just like her sometimes — I imagine the Lord rolling His eyes and swearing under His breath (okay, maybe this is a little sacrilegious) and shaking His head as I make Him crazy too.

God is always offering me things that are good for me.  Instead of trying it, I tend to be like my daughter and avoid it with great drama, proclaiming to God how that can’t possibly be good for me.  I insist to Him that I won’t like it, and He continues to patiently present it to me.

Inevitably, when I “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8), I am happy that He didn’t give up on me and that He persisted.

I’m happy He didn’t let me have my way.  Reminds me of a scary CS Lewis quote:  “There are two kinds of people:  those who say to God, “Thy will be done, “ and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way.” 

It’s frightening to think of God saying to us “All right, then, have it your way.”  But as a loving Father who gives us free will, he allows us to refuse Him.  Just as Lela is allowed to go hungry if she won’t taste her food, God will allow me to go spiritually hungry if I refuse what He is offering.  He will not be manipulated.

As parents, we understand that natural consequences can be the best teachers.  When my kids insist they don’t need a coat in 20-degree weather, sometimes I just say “Okay” (in my best “you’re going to be sorry you made such a stupid decision” voice).  Within 5 minutes, they are back inside scrambling to put on their coats.

Sometimes, we have it our way, and it doesn’t take long for us to come scrambling back to God, ready to do it His way.

But then there are times when the consequences are not immediate and we can’t see the long-term effects.  For example, my kids love to watch TV and play on electronics – they see no problem with this and can’t understand why reading or playing games is better for them than playing on electronics.  So Keith and I have to enforce rules because the kids can’t self-regulate this type of thing.

This happens to adults as well.  Sometimes it’s simple things, like not doing things that we know are good for us . . . eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc.   We might not understand the long-term effects on our spirit when we skip spending time in God’s word.  We can’t see the consequences of an unhealthy relationship or overspending in a moment of weakness.

God cares about us and He wants what is best for us.  He will let us go our own way, but I believe He works hard to intervene, especially when we stubbornly refuse to accept the long-term effects of our actions.  I am gifted at ignoring His “red flags” but I am thankful that He keeps sending them, and that He doesn’t give up on me when I sabotage His good work.

When I think of stubbornness, I can’t help but think of the Israelites in the Old Testament (you know, the ones that Moses led out of Egypt, crossed the Red Sea, ate manna from heaven, etc?)  They saw God’s provision and faithfulness over and over, and yet when they were about to be given the Promised Land, they caved in to fear and unbelief.  When the “spies” came back to give a report, the people only focused on the obstacles, the giants and the walls, instead of the greatness of God.  There were a couple of guys, Joshua and Caleb, who believed God, and they ended up being the only ones who would see the promised land (but they had to spend 40 years in the desert with the others – ugh).  (from Numbers 13-14)

I used to think the Israelites were a bunch of whiney idiots until I realized that I’m just like them!  God has freed me; He has provided for me; He has been faithful.  And I continue to resist Him, to forget His faithfulness, to test His patience.  I don’t want to be like the Israelites who wasted 40 years wandering in the wilderness and missed out on God’s promised land because of unbelief and fear.  Sometimes I just see the obstacles instead of trusting that God can overcome them.

As the new year approaches, I pray that I will not waste time resisting God, and that I will pay attention to Him, even it if means giving up things or doing new things that I don’t fully understand.  As my loving Father, He understands what is good for me.  He understands the long-term effects of breaking a bad habit or developing a good habit.

This could play out in any number of ways since I have lots of things I need to focus on this year.  However, the main thing I need to give the Lord is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I don’t think I’m alone in this battle.  I have rebelliously been holding onto an unhealthy relationship with food (sugar in particular) for a long time, but it has really had a stronghold since the twins were born.  When my healthy de-stressors (for me this was reading, writing, exercise, time with friends, etc.) were temporarily unavailable (temporarily, meaning like four years), I turned to something convenient, and I think this is why my love of sweets has become an unhealthy love of sweets.  Humans have a way of taking good things (everything from money to sex to food) and misusing them or putting an extreme emphasis on them.  Now that my habit is entrenched, I have had a hard time giving it to God and allowing Him to redirect my thoughts.  The mind/body connection is powerful and it’s amazing how something as seemingly insignificant as food can become a spiritual barrier.  So there it is . . . my confession.

In 2015:

I pray that I will focus on the greatness of God instead of the obstacles.

I pray that my first response to God will be, “Yes” instead of “No.”

I pray that I will say, “Thy will be done” instead of God saying to me, “Okay, then, have it your way.”

I pray that I won’t be sitting alone at the table, physically full, but spiritually hungry, because I am refusing God’s best for me.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.  Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!”  Psalm 34:8