When Carlie was younger, she chose crazy themes for birthday parties. My favorite was her sixth birthday, when she wanted to have a “mud and flower” party. We had mud pie contests, served “dirt cake,” planted flowers in little pots as party favors, and of course, had pools of mud for the kids to roll around in.
Most the kids had a blast wallowing around like happy little piglets, but there were a few who just couldn’t bring themselves to get dirty. One girl said, “Ummm, our family doesn’t do that.”
Even when we have permission to let go and get a little crazy, some of us have been so conditioned to behave a certain way, we just can’t break free.
Months ago, I began to wrestle with a question. I didn’t want to write about it until I had it “figured out,” but I’m learning that the answer is going to evolve over time. I feel like that little girl, watching the mud party, but not sure if it’s really okay to get dirty.
If you were completely free of tradition, what would it look like to “live out the gift?”
One of my favorite authors, Nadia Bolz-Weber, posed this question at a conference. My hand was tired from furiously taking notes as she spoke, but this question stopped me in my tracks.
Without church tradition, without anyone telling me what a “Christian” should look like, without my “good girl to-do list” (pray, read the Bible, serve, give, fellowship, etc.), what would Christianity look like for me?
If I had experienced God outside the church and didn’t know any of the “right” things to do, how would I live out the gift?
Just thinking about the question brought up conflicting emotions. I felt unshackled and terrified of the new freedom all at once.
It was such a radical thought for me because “church” is totally intertwined with my identity in Christ. My parents are evangelists and we traveled to new churches each week where my Dad would preach Sunday through Friday — when I was a kid, I was sometimes in church more than 200 times per year. The hymns, the rituals, the preaching, the “lingo,” Sunday school class, studying scripture, etc. – that was how my relationship with the Lord started and that’s how it developed. Without all the “trappings,” what would my relationship with God look like?
In a way, it’s a maddening question. I can’t fully “unlearn” or separate myself from what has shaped my relationship with Christ. But in another way, I was intrigued to consider it. Without church and all the familiar traditions, how authentic is my faith?
Luckily, as I began to unpack the question, I realized that the church provided many things for me that I would have sought out naturally (other seekers, various ways of worship, Bible study, etc.). And obviously, church traditions usually develop for good reasons with Biblical origins.
But I’m still ruminating on this question (it keeps coming to mind – something I call “God’s pestering”), still praying about it, and Keith and I are discussing it with the kids. I find that discussing things with children can have surprising results because they have such unguarded thoughts. Sometimes I think they are much smarter than I am when it comes to living in faith. Kids “get it” that God loves us so we need to share His love with others. And they come up with tangible ideas of how to live it – sometimes something as simple as giving someone a hug and other times they want to do something irrational, like adopt all the orphans in the world. But they understand, and it’s fun to see what they come up with as we talk about how to live what we believe.
I haven’t had any grand epiphanies, but as Christmas approaches, when we celebrate Jesus, God’s ultimate gift to the world, this question is one of many that I am wrestling with. I don’t want a “ho-hum, tow-the-line, go-through-the-motions, check-the-box” kind of faith. Most the time, tradition can be good, but it can also become a rut.
Please understand that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with tradition, especially when there is meaning and purpose. But if we don’t understand the tradition and we’re just doing it because that’s what we’re “supposed to do,” then that’s just a form of religion – it becomes about ritual and what we do instead of what God has done for us. Are we following traditions because they keep our hearts connected more deeply to God? Or are we following tradition because it feels “safe” and familiar?
The past decade, in my personal journey, God just keeps getting bigger and I am more in awe than ever before. But it’s a little scary and keeps me off balance. The more I learn, the less I know. God is more mysterious and less predictable, which requires more trust. And yet as I learn to see Him “out of the box,” so to speak, He is also more present and I continue to experience Him in new ways that keep my faith living and breathing – sometimes running to keep up; sometimes walking slowly and deliberately; sometimes hacking through new and rough paths; sometimes stopping to sit with Him and take it all in or wait for direction.
Faith is never a predictable, smooth journey.
So the adventure continues. This coming year, this month, this week, this day . . . how am I going to live out the gift? Has the ultimate free gift of life actually changed my life? Is God’s amazing, ever-flowing gift of life continuing to transform me? Does my life reflect the incredible life God offers us? These are hard questions and I’m afraid that I fall sadly short of the life that God truly offers.
But that’s the beauty of being on the journey with God. He knows us; He loves us; He never leaves us. He will throw open His arms when we are ready to run to Him.
And maybe He will challenge us to let a few things go, try something new, and get dirty at the mud party. Because life is definitely messy, so we might as well have some fun, and really LIVE.
If you were completely free of tradition, what would it look like to “live out the gift?”
“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!” 2 Corinthians 9:15
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“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 6:23
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.” 1st Timothy 6:17-19
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Excellent question and something I will have to think on. I also totally love that Carlie had a mud and flower birthday party!!!
I’m glad to see you asking the questions that challenge your faith to be authentic every year. There’s definitely a danger in having tradition become meaningless. It’s also dangerous to throw tradition out for the sake of getting away from tradition. In some regard there is something mystical and in Gods presence in meaningful tradition or even ritual. I’ve also lived wanting less comfortable and more unfamiliar for the sake of keeping things real. Truth is that in most cases we can thrive in familiar more than unfamiliar. I’ve talked to missionaries that would welcome safe and comfortable and familiar from time to time. I think it’s good to push the envelope and to have some comfort zones. Keep up the writing 🙂
I agree with you, Steve. After being thrown a little off balance by the question initially, it forced me to evaluate the way I live out the incredible gift of God. Thankfully, I have discovered that most of the traditions I have learned (my “good girl to-do list”) have great value. I value them even more as I really think through what is important and rediscover what the Bible says about these things. To be honest, I prefer comfortable and predictable, but God knows I’m a control freak and He has made it pretty clear that He is never going to let me get too comfortable. Thanks for your comments!
I love this. As you know Tamson, I too grew up in church. Because of a lot of those rules and rituals, and what felt hypocritical to me, I walked away from “religion” for over 17 years. Since I found my way back, I’ve found I do question a lot of the “traditions” and really try to see it through Jesus’ eyes. I know there will never be a “perfect” church here on earth. And I know I’ll never be perfect either, but I’m with you on trying to figure it out and really live. Thanks so much for this! 🙂
Jen, this makes me want to sit down with you over a cup of coffee (or two or three) and hear more about your journey. I definitely think that sometimes our traditions drive our faith instead of our faith driving our traditions — that’s why the question got me all tangled up. And a tradition that is important for one person might not matter to another, but sometimes we feel the need to defend specific traditions and outward expressions of our faith instead of focusing on “the gift” that we all have in common. You are so right that there is no perfect church and there are no perfect people — I’m glad you found your way back to the dysfunctional family that is church 🙂
As always, I enjoy hearing you express yourself about your faith and relationship to God. We are all certainly influenced by the traditions we experience through out our lives.. At Christmas, when I was a child, I was actually more excited about Santa coming that was about the story of Jesus birth. I loved the Christmas story, but I loved Santa even more. When I finally discovered that Santa was only make believe, I was a bit disappointed, but the discovery never took the excitment of Christmas from my life, but just changed the focus. As in the story of the “Loving Father” he threw a party for his son because he was so thrilled that he had returned home to the traditions that he had tried to escape. The older brother, still bound so deeply in tradition, missed the party and the celebration. We all should feel the freedom to get in the mud every now and then and not worry so much about what is proper. I am so happy that I serve a God who can be very serious at times, but is not afraid to allow His children to play in the mud and party down. Have a blessed, traditional and fun loving Christmas.
I LOVE playing in the mud with you, my Dear Friend!!! You open my eyes to new truths and take me on grand adventures. You have once again challenged us to go DEEP and attempt to fully embrace the greatest GIFT, G-d’s unfathomable LOVE.