When Being Good Feels Bad

Last week I was chatting with one of my favorite people who was telling me a story of seeing someone she really didn’t like and how she handled the situation.  Of course, she took the high road (which I could have predicted because she has integrity), but then she said something that made me laugh.  She said, “I felt bad for not feeling good about doing the right thing.”

I can’t tell you how much I loved that phrase and how much I could relate to it.  I felt bad for not feeling good about doing the right thing.

We assume that doing the right thing is supposed to feel good.  And sometimes it does.  When you help someone in need and they are grateful; when you are able to put a smile on someone’s face or encourage them; when you use your time, talents and resources in a way that is helpful.

But THEN there are the times when you do the right thing and it doesn’t feel so good.  When you pour your heart and soul out for someone and they don’t notice, care or appreciate it (if you don’t know this feeling yet, then you have not had a teenager); when you have to be kind or helpful to someone that you intensely dislike; when you have to apologize for something stupid; when you have to make something right that should never have been wrong in the first place; when you have to forgive AGAIN, etc.

Notice in all those examples, I said when you HAVE to do something . . . That’s what it feels like to do the right thing sometimes – we HAVE to do it.  We don’t necessarily WANT to do it.   And then we feel guilty for not doing things with the right motivation.

Sometimes doing the right thing makes us feel like this:

This conflicted motivation happened to me recently and it was such a small instance, but sometimes it’s the small things that reveal our true character (the “who are you when nobody is watching” moments).  My daughter and grandsons were in town visiting and we stopped for ice cream at one of the kids’ favorite spots.  There were seven of us, so by the time the poor girl in the window finished up and gave me the total, she had lost count.  For a brief moment, my “shadow self” (that naughty little devil that lives inside all of us) thought that I should let her live with her mistake and save myself a few dollars.  But of course, I corrected her and made sure I paid for all our ice creams because I knew I couldn’t live with myself, even over something so small.  If I had knowingly paid less than what I owed, my conscience would have beaten me up for days.  And inevitably, whenever that happens (when you double check an amount to make sure you paid enough, or correct a mistake), people always seem grateful, and thank you, as if doing the right thing is some anomaly.

It nagged at me that I even had a moment of hesitation about doing the right thing.  It made me wonder if I only do the right thing because I don’t want to live with consequences of the wrong thing.  I’d like to say that I did the right thing for the right reasons, but I’m not so sure.

Maybe I’ll get to the place in my walk with the Lord where doing the right thing comes without a second thought, but I doubt it.  Even Paul, who was like a superhero Christian, battled his conscience and motives in that crazy, rambling tongue twister chapter of Romans 7.  Here’s a little of his rant:  “I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”  This goes on and on, and after I read this chapter, I just want to say, “Ha! You said do-do.”  But the point is, even Paul struggled to understand why he did things and why he continued to do battle with his sinful nature.

And although it’s hard to admit, sometimes doing the wrong thing feels pretty good.  Outright evil feels terrible, but I’m not talking about that kind of wrong.  I’m talking about the wrong that feels right in the moment.  Like when you have that giant piece of cake even though you know you’ll regret it later; when you vent your frustrations instead of weighing your words and actions; when you secretly rejoice at the misfortune of some jerk whom you think “had it coming”; when you lie to or bribe your kids because you don’t have the energy to deal with the real issue; when you pretend not to see someone and bolt in the other direction because you want to avoid talking to them; when you make that purchase that you really can’t afford; when you listen to and pass along that juicy little piece of gossip; and the list goes on.  Ahem, not that I’ve ever done any of these things . . .

I always wonder if Jesus WANTED to be perfect, or if He was doing the same thing that we do and weighing the consequences.  Clearly, He didn’t want to die on the cross because He agonized over it and asked if there was any other way.  But He was able to see past the pain of the moment and do the right thing anyway.  When He was tempted in the desert, I think He really struggled to do the right thing and probably wanted to take the easy way out (otherwise, it wouldn’t have been real temptation).  I wonder if there were times when He didn’t really WANT to heal or forgive or teach, etc.  I mean, His first miracle (at least according to the Gospel of John), turning water to wine at a wedding, was just to appease His Mom.  Did He ever roll His eyes, or count to 10, or want to punch someone in the face?  If He was really human, then my guess is that He probably dealt with all those feelings.  Given He was also God, and enlightened, and wise beyond our understanding, and perfect, He was clearly doing the right thing for the right reasons. But I like to think that even Jesus understands what it is like to do the right thing when it doesn’t feel good in the moment.

So when doing the right thing doesn’t feel so right (or doesn’t come easily), be encouraged that you have a Savior who understands.  Be encouraged that God can empower you to do the right thing, even when your actions might be in spite of your feelings and not because of your feelings.  And be encouraged that God rewards faithfulness.  Even though it might not feel great in the moment, God can do great things with a heart that yields to Him and loves Him enough to want to do the right thing and follow His example.  We might not reap the benefits right away or understand the impact of our actions, but we can trust that God knows what is best.

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good.  At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. “  Galatians 6:9

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  Romans 12:21

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